When I first found out I was pregnant I was so filled with joy in my heart knowing I had a new life growing inside of me. However, I was only 26 years old and very naive about the development of my preborn child. I was eight weeks pregnant when I found out and when I told my boyfriend I was carrying his child I became very scared.
He told me he did not want to be a father and he was not going to have anything to do with me and our baby. I suddenly felt alone and abandoned. I was new to the area and did not know there were any pregnancy centers which could have helped me.
I was a dancer and worried about how I was going to make a living so I made an abortion appointment. I remember crying in excruciating pain both physically and mentally that day. The father of my baby never contacted me again after my abortion and I was left abandoned to deal with everything I had gone through alone.
I became very depressed and I just wanted to forget what I had done. I started using hard drugs and drinking hard to try to forget. Years later I met my husband and quit dancing, drugs, and drinking. I had already undergone conversion by then [to being Christian and being pro-life]. I wanted to have a baby with my husband but I was not able to get pregnant. However, he had two children from a prior relationship and I accepted them and loved them as if they were my own.
Now I am 61 years old and very much pro-life. I have sought forgiveness from God and been through many years of therapy. I even attended a Rachel’s Vineyard retreat at which I found a lot of peace and healing. The retreat was something my heart and soul needed and I am so grateful I attended. It truly helped me live out my new life in peace and forgiveness from our Lord, my baby, and myself.
However, every year around Mother’s Day I mourn my baby and want people to know the truth about abortion.
I have told my story to parishes, on public TV, and out in front of Planned Parenthood. I also pray at the abortion mills every month. At first, I was scared to share my testimony due to fear of judgment but I will not be silent about this. Too many lives are at stake and I want people to learn from my mistakes.
If I came across anyone considering abortion I would advise them against it and work with them to know that abortion is not necessary. I will always share my testimony with others to prevent their making the same mistake as I did.
The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official position of Human Defense Initiative.
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