Whose Side Are You On?

I am someone who struggles with anxiety. It has two levels. The first is the fear level which has to do with the fear of becoming seriously ill someday. Thoughts of invasive medical tests, chemotherapy, and intense surgeries that seem to be worse than the disease itself, have made me curl up on my couch more than once. Or if I think I see signs of one of those diseases, I can wind up catatonic, just trying not to hyperventilate. That’s how bad it gets for me. Now, the usual answer I get to this is “Chris, why not just go and see a doctor. You seem fine. Get a check-up. Confirm that you’re physically healthy. You’ll feel better.” Others add the ominous aside, “It’s better to go now and catch something early then wait and have it be worse.” Of course, the second level of anxiety is the fear of going to doctors. The idea of going through a physical exam and having to wait for the results also can cause me to…

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